its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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