Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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