she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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