Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
