1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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