Nicole vs. Life
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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