Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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