Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I am naked and annoyed.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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