oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
