I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize