New low: just hacked my moms facebook
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
