Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
