i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
