I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
