You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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