So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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