who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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