i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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