she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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