I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
