ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
