Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
