hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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