Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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