yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
