is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize