There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
