I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
