you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up under a house in Key West
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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