carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
