I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
