i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
