I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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