stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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