marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
