did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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