Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
