I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
