he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
