If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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