He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
