I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
