I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
