my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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