So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
NoShamevember. You game?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize