My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
