If that was your dad, he is hot
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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