bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
