I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize