wanna go halves on a baby?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
