I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
