Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
