he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
