you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
and she was petting her beer can
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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