i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize