Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Randomize
