You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
