OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
