I skipped work to stalk him.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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