I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
