Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
