you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
