Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
