K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
