I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize