I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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