it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
