left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just had sex on a roof
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
